It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will stay healthy.
In fact, many partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.
Intimate partner abuse doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners. They attempt to control the thoughts, beliefs and/or actions of his/her partner and may include physical, sexual, psychological and/or financial abuse. It’s just as common among same-sex couples as it is among heterosexual couples.
- Checking your cell phone or email without permission
- Constantly putting you down
- Extreme jealousy or insecurity
- Explosive temper
- Isolating you from family or friends
- Making false accusations
- Mood swings
- Physically hurting you in any way
- Telling you what to do
- Repeatedly pressuring you to have sex
Watch out for these behaviors and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800.799.7233) to talk about what’s going on or utilize their online chat option found here.
Here is a quick clip created by Love is Respect, that can help you in identifying some of the behaviors.
You can always contact the Survivor Advocate on campus if you need additional support through this process. We know it takes time to leave an abusive relationship. We want you to feel supported and safe. Consider creating a safety plan. The resource below is provided by LoveisRespect.org, they are a wonderful resource.
Danger Assessent Screening
The One Love Foundation has designed an anonymous, free application for smart phones and other electronic devices, the One Love MyPlan determines if a relationship is unsafe and helps to create the best action plan by weighing an individual’s unique characteristics and values. In partnership with LoveisRespect.org, the app provides access to trained advocate support 24/7 through an embedded live chat function.
Why do I need to safety plan?
Everyone deserves a relationship that is healthy, safe and supportive. If you are in a relationship that is hurting you, it is important for you to know that the abuse is not your fault. It is also important for you to start thinking of ways to keep yourself safe from the abuse, whether you decide to end the relationship or not. While you can’t control your partner’s abusive behavior, you can take action to keep yourself as safe as possible.
What is a safety plan?
A safety plan is a practical guide that helps lower your risk of being hurt by your abuser. It includes information specific to you and your life that will help keep you safe. A good safety plan helps you think through lifestyle changes that will help keep you as safe as possible on campus, in the dorms and other places that you go on a daily basis.
How do I make a safety plan?
Take some time for yourself to go through each section of this safety plan provided by Love is Respect organization. You can complete the workbook on your own, or you can work through it with someone else that you trust. The survivor advocate is also available to help you complete the workbook and discuss additional options with you.
Information by LoveisRespect.org
Boundaries-Learning to establish Healthy Boundaries with individuals in your life
Conflict-Resolution- Tips for entering a potentially conflictual conversation
Dating Basics - information and quizzes by LoveIsRespect
Is This Abuse? - by LoveIsRespect
Power and Control Wheel - forms of abuse within relationships outlined by LoveIsRespect
LGBT Intimate Partner Violence Resources- LA Gay and Lesbian Center
National Domestic Violence hotline - online hotline option and educational materials by National Domestic Violence Hotline